Story Project – Blog Post #3

In this blog post, I will do some research about the different characters in my story to get a better idea of how their type of person may act and what they may say in different situations. This will help me with writing my story and making my story as accurate as possible.

For Charlotte’s parents:

I have decided to research the characteristics and effects of permissive parenting. This will help me get a better understanding of how Charlotte’s parents would act and what they would say when placed in a certain situation. First of all, permissive parenting is usually very loving and nurturing, has little or no attempt to discipline children, and it has few rules and not so much structure. It is a type of parenting style characterized by low demands with high responsiveness. Permissive parents tend to be very loving, yet they provide few guidelines and rules. These type of parents do not expect mature behaviour from their children and often seem like a friend than a parental figure. Since there are few rules, expectations, and demands, children raised by permissive parents tend to struggle with self-regulation and self-control. [1]

For Charlotte:

When you are raised by permissive parents, you are being raised with Childhood Emotional Neglect, or CEN. Unfortunately, permissive parents may look great on the outside, it may feel great on the inside, but this is actually considered neglect. [2]

Here is the dark side of permissive parenting:

• You don’t get to learn how to make yourself do things you don’t want to do, or stop yourself from doing things you shouldn’t do 

Those two skills are the foundation of self-discipline. When your parents require you, as a child, to do chores, meet requirements, and manage your impulses, you internalize the ability to do chores, meet requirements, and manage your impulses yourself. [2]

• The love from your parents comes across as one-dimensional

Parental love is meant to have conflict in it. That is because a parent’s role is to do whatever is necessary to raise a healthy child. A parent who is willing to fight with you is one who is willing to fight for you. Even though children get angry and frustrated with parents who are disciplining them, children experience that conflict, if not delivered harshly or excessively from the parent, as a deeper, richer form of love. When you do not get this from your parents, you miss out on that deeper version of attentive love. [2]

• Having a permissive parent teaches you little about how to handle difficult emotions and situations

Permissive parents fail their children by failing to prepare them emotionally for their adult lives. When there is little clash and disagreements at home, there is little opportunity for children to learn that it is okay to be angry, how to express anger, or how to work through negative emotions with another person. Being comfortable and capable in the face of conflict is a vital life skill that children can miss out on. [2]

• It is hard to see what you missed in childhood

Since permissive parenting acts as a kinder form of love, it leaves the child struggling with the results of Childhood Emotional Neglect as he or she grows up. Yet looking back to childhood for an explanation, the true answer to what went wrong is very difficult to see. [2]

These are all the sources I used for my research:

1. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-permissive-parenting-2794957
2. https://psychcentral.com/blog/childhood-neglect/2018/10/the-dark-side-of-being-raised-by-permissive-parents#2