White lies are small trivial lies that are told that usually do not make an impact or a big difference. Parents tell their children a lot of these mini lies daily and even though it doesn’t seem like a big deal, these lies could impact a child and their relationship with their parents. Parents give their children unrealistic expectations and expect them to be truthful kids that never lie, when parents construct these lies multiple times a day (1)
In this blog post, I am going to go into further detail in fictional characters that parents lie about in early childhood, such as Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy.
These characters help keep the joy, imagination and enjoyment to a child as these characters inspire their good moods and attitudes. These characters can bring magic to the holiday season and keep a child’s innocence. Children need a sense of imagination to maintain their happiness and make them see the world as a good place. And even though there are many benefits of these fictional characters, when kids find out the truth, that they are not real some may be hurt, confused and betrayed (2).
Now, let’s specifically look at Santa Claus and the negative implications that come with him. First of all, Santa is probably the most recognized character worldwide. Whether you believe the standard traditions mostly told in modern culture or you believe folklore stories and traditions or even if you do not believe in Santa because of religion or location, his character is still pretty much known. Recently, there have been people more interested in this idea that Santa is not necessarily a good story or a good representation for children.
There is the idea that you have to act either “good” or “bad” to be recognized and judged. This mindset is never good for a child, especially because there is no such idea as good or bad people. Just people that have been positively or negatively influenced, or people that make bad decisions, or people that have gone through hard experiences. Children, while too young to understand that, are being taught that you can only be good or bad and that there is a correct way to act. People have argued that the idea of a “naughty” and “nice” list is ineffective and more just motivates children to stay off the naughty list, instead of actually acting good for the nice list. These mindsets at an early age have real negative effects as children grow up. This strategy of acting good around the holiday season, because “Santa is watching you” can create “intrinsic motivation (that is, a child’s internal drive to behave)” (3).
The idea of somebody always watching you, just until you behave can put unrealistic standards and fears on children. They can become scared about the idea of somebody critiquing and judging your actions. The idea that you have to have more acts of kindness, instead of acts of selfishness and negativity.
Other thing to mention is that the concept of Santa Claus is more for the benefit of parents than children. It is said the idea of Santa for parents serves as a sense of nostalgia and to escape to “a better place and time” where they can feel young again and they feel the need to create that same experience for their children. Parents like the short-term benefits of this white lie, as it makes Christmas time more magical and make their children happy. But the long-term consequences can be detrimental to children. (4)
There is going to be obvious disappointment when children find out the truth, whether some kids take it better than others, it is still setting the stage for children to have a distrust between themselves and their parents. After a while, a child’s trust in their parents can be tainted by the experience of learning the truth about Santa Claus. Children might start to question other things that their parents have said was true. These things could be their spiritual beliefs, their ethics and morals or this magical view of the world. Think about how important the relationship between a child and a parent is for early childhood education and trust is a big part of that. If that trust is somehow broken, it can unconsciously affect a child’s trust for themselves, others and the world. (4)
Then finally if parents choose to tell children the truth about Santa Claus, there is still the fear that they would spoil it for other kids. Ruining for other kids can wreck their experiences and make their own parents mad about their children finding out. Overall, you need to figure out yourself what is better for a child as a parent. You need to consider the benefits and the consequences of telling children the truth of Santa Claus and being aware of the unconscious trust issues. (5)
Sources:
- https://parentingtranslator.org/blog/is-it-okay-to-tell-your-child-white-lies
- https://www.123helpme.com/essay/Fictional-Lies-to-Children-Good-or-Bad-306265
- https://parentingtranslator.substack.com/p/santa-claus-a-fun-holiday-tradition
- https://www.huffpost.com/entry/psychologists-think-your-lies-about-santa-will-damage-your-kids_n_5835d898e4b01ba68ac3e3a7
- https://themompsychologist.com/2022/10/13/how-to-tell-your-kids-the-truth-about-santa/